We met almost two years ago in your room. Your sister found you hanging from the pull up bar in your closet. Your face would enter my mind from time to time, but it’s been awhile. Ironically enough, today as I sat in class my blue water bottle kindled my memory, it’s dark blue almost a perfect match of your skin. Moments later Captain started talking to us about the horrible things we would see in our career. Some of my classmates have no prior EMS/Fire experience, they have yet to experience this feeling, the memories that randomly come from deep within your brain to the forefront. As I think this, Captain, almost as if he is inside my head echoes my thoughts. He tells the story of a hostage situation from his PD days. He, unlike me was able to keep his composure retelling the story of one of his ghosts. Then again it’s been almost 2 years for me, and over 13 for him.
As I pushed on your chest, knowing we are fighting a losing fight, I noticed the cluster of small cuts on your arm. I am sure no one really knew how bad you where hurting. I hope you are in a better place young man, but you put your family through hell. I am sure we will be seeing each other again. I am still new to this profession, and I have lost other patients, but something about you won’t leave me. So here is to a long healthy career, I am sure soon you will have some friends.
